Archive for the ‘Mums & Mamans’ Category

Letter From a Messy Kitchen

August 9th, 2014

To the mom who is overwhelmed, unrested, can’t-find-time-for-breakfast-drinking-coffee-cold, chasing kids around who’ve managed to get their breakfast leftovers tangled in their hair whilst running a bright red crayon down the hallway walls… Take a deep breath, breathe, heat up your coffee and sit down. Crayon comes off with a mr. magic sponge, breakfast leftovers can […]


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To the mom who is overwhelmed, unrested, can’t-find-time-for-breakfast-drinking-coffee-cold, chasing kids around who’ve managed to get their breakfast leftovers tangled in their hair whilst running a bright red crayon down the hallway walls…
Take a deep breath, breathe, heat up your coffee and sit down. Crayon comes off with a mr. magic sponge, breakfast leftovers can be taken care of in the bath later, and it’s ok to take a minute or two to yourself, because while you may see an out of control mess, here’s what I see: A mom who loves her children. A mom who’s unrested because she spends so much time taking care of her babies, and making sure everything is ok. A mom who hasn’t eaten because she made sure her kids have. A mom who hasn’t had her coffee yet because her daughter just really needed to be held and have a book read to her for a minute, and her son just started going to the bathroom on the grown up potty and needed a little bit of help. And a mom who provides her kids with crayons (and coloring books too, but sometimes walls are preferable!) because she wants them to explore and play and foster creativity. Don’t you hear, you’re doing all these things for them, it’s ok if your house isn’t spotless and your life stress free.
“She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household.” Sound a little like your life? “Her lamp does not go out at night. She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle. She opens her hand to the poor, and reaches out her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of snow or her household for all her household are clothed in scarlet (‘double thickness’)… She looks well to the ways of her household.” Don’t you see it? That Proverbs 31 woman, that “unattainable perfection” that we as girls were always told about? That’s you! That’s what you’re doing for your house, for your children, your husband. Don’t curl up in a ball and cry (well, do sometimes… sometimes it does just feel good!) But, remember, as hard as this is, and as overwhelmed as you are, it’s because you’re trying. It’s because you’re putting the time in, and making the effort.
Read the chapter again, look harder this time. Not everything she’s doing is for her children, look for how she takes care of herself- “She dresses herself with strength, and makes her arms strong… Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come..” Strength and dignity! The strength and dignity to hold your head high and not be torn down. The strength and dignity to get through the day, even if the only thing in your belly is cold coffee and leftover take out pizza. When you feel like you can’t go on, sit down, take a break, and remind yourself of this.
Keep reading a little further… “Her children rise up and call her blessed.” They rise up and call her blessed, the mom who has given her life to her children, who is ok with the sleepless nights and picking their crying daughter up instead of taking that first delicious sip of hot coffee. The mom who lovingly wipes the crayon from the walls and shows them for the umpteenth time where the coloring books are… Her children rise up and call her blessed because she has given her life for them, and they see it and they notice.
You’re overwhelmed, and you need a good cry, but you are strong, and you are blessed. So go drink a coffee- cold or hot, take 10 mins to yourself to just sit and be (and if it means they keep coloring, well that’s ok too, it will come off eventually) and then go throw them in the bath and keep loving your children like only you do best. They love you right back, even if they have a funny way of showing it.
Happy Saturday!
xoxo
p.s. Let’s at least try to get some of you some hot coffee once in a while… We’re giving away a Starbucks card as a little refresher for one of you out there, and a copy of our “Be Thou My Vision” art print. Just comment on our link on facebook, or our image on instagram (@katherineelizabethbridal) and tag someone who needs to read this and you’ll be entered!

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A Beautiful Mess

May 6th, 2014

Today, I’m grateful for our mess. Our mess, that’s in our home, made by our family. It may be overwhelming at times, but it’s the sign that we’re safe and snug inside, with a roof over our heads. It’s the sign that we’re reading books and doing puzzles with our daughter, that I’m nursing our […]


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Today, I’m grateful for our mess. Our mess, that’s in our home, made by our family. It may be overwhelming at times, but it’s the sign that we’re safe and snug inside, with a roof over our heads. It’s the sign that we’re reading books and doing puzzles with our daughter, that I’m nursing our son and changing diaper after diaper and outfit after outfit. It’s the sign of a little girl who giggles when she knocks over towers made from Jenga blocks, and a son who’s [sometimes] content to lie back on a pillow in the middle of all the action and take it all in. Or sleep through it. It’s the sign of a husband and wife happy to simply be home together, and while they barely have a minute alone together to just be, they’re still as in love with each other as they were before these two munchkins were even a thought.
Yes, we wish it was cleaner. Spotless, actually, is the dream, and completely dust free. But that’s not what our home is right now, and that’s ok. Sometimes we feel like we’re barely treading water; the laundry is way backed up, the dishes are a pile and the takeout boxes are pouring out of the trashcan. But at the end of the day, we’re together, we’re happy, and we wouldn’t change any of the good to cut out the bad.
It’s our mess, and it’s a beautiful one, simply because it’s ours.

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Our Little Man!

April 28th, 2014

Good evening!  I hope yours is as relaxing as ours is!  Mama Monday is coming really late today… none of the pre-blogging happened this weekend that I had thought I would be able to get to (oh two kids…) We did however have a lovely relaxed Sunday at a friend’s son’s birthday party and then […]


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Good evening!  I hope yours is as relaxing as ours is!  Mama Monday is coming really late today… none of the pre-blogging happened this weekend that I had thought I would be able to get to (oh two kids…) We did however have a lovely relaxed Sunday at a friend’s son’s birthday party and then stayed over late to watch the new Jim Gaffigan special- because they have cable and we don’t!  How was your weekend?!

Piper is loving her new brother!  She constantly covers him in kisses, tries to pick him up and hug him, and gives him lots and lots of fist bumps, all while constantly singing “Let it Go”.  She makes sure to tell us everytime he cries too, since apparently she thinks we can’t quite hear it…

A few weeks ago I shared some of my fears going into this next birth and oh wow, I can’t believe how God answers prayer!  I’m sitting here writing this with him on my lap and I still can’t believe the story is real!  The hospital part of birth was what I was dreading most, after all the complications we had gone through with Piper’s birth… I didn’t want to be at the hospital needing medication and interventions like last time, I wanted/needed a “normal” birth, one where medicine didn’t leave me so out of sorts that I felt like I could barely acknowledge my new baby at the end of birth.  Yes, the medicine was completely necessary- they kept both of us alive, I just didn’t want to have to go through that again!  So fast forward a few weeks, and on a Thursday morning in April, 3 days before my due date, labor decided to kick into gear.  Contractions were regular, and became very painful and very hard very quickly!  We started to walk out the door for the hospital, figuring we had it timed to get to the hospital as I was approaching the end of labor and we wouldn’t have to be there any longer than necessary, and suddenly I realized it was time to push…  Things had gone so much faster than expected, and so much faster than the first time around we weren’t expecting that to happen at all!  As we realized we weren’t going to make it to the hospital, let alone the car, we called 911 and as calmly as he could my husband explained the situation…  (We’re in the process of trying to get a copy of the recording of that call so we can have it to remember!) We had a doula at home with us, so she started giving orders for what we needed and what to do and 5 pushes later she yelled “it’s a boy!” (we didn’t know what gender we were expecting!)  The EMT’s showed up 5 minutes later and began the process to transport us to the hospital.  (which I was totally fine with by this point- it was the labor part of things I didn’t want to deal with the hospital for!)  Our little (but still pretty big- 8lbs 9oz!) boy was here with us, happy, healthy, and hungry, after a labor that lasted less than 3 hours from start to finish.  Who would have thought?!

It was the most amazing experience, and better than anything we could have planned for.  I still count my blessings every day so happy that my son was born at home, in peace.  We had 5 minutes as a family before EMT’s showed up, where I got to hold Eaden peacefully, Piper got to sit on the floor next to us and meet him right away, and there was no one trying to take him away or draw our attention elsewhere.  And I couldn’t be happier that it was a dear friend who got to say ‘it’s a boy!’ instead of a doctor, it’s a memory I will always cherish.

I understand the necessity of hospitals, and medicine, and fetal monitoring during labor.  All of that saved our lives the first time around.  And Eaden’s birth happening how it did was a completely unplanned situation, but it’s one that we couldn’t be more thankful for.  After we were at the hospital and had both been checked out and they brought him back to me, they handed him to me all swaddled and cozy and I just sat there crying, feeling all the emotions that I never went through with Piper, and it was such a healing moment.  I’m so thankful and grateful for all your prayers, and all your congratulations and well wishes.  We’re doing great, everyone’s healthy and happy, and having lots of fun getting to know our new little man!

xoxo

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Hello April!

April 1st, 2014

Happy April!  The sun is shining, I can hear birds outside, and it’s a gorgeous day!  Still pregnant, but hoping for any day now…  After one false alarm already, we’re definitely ready to go!  Remember that “pre-baby list” from 2 weeks ago?  About half of it is done… yay!  Can’t wait to share details and […]


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Happy April!  The sun is shining, I can hear birds outside, and it’s a gorgeous day!  Still pregnant, but hoping for any day now…  After one false alarm already, we’re definitely ready to go!  Remember that “pre-baby list” from 2 weeks ago?  About half of it is done… yay!  Can’t wait to share details and pictures this week!  Today while Piper’s napping, I get to write my weekly mama post, and then hopefully work on some stuff for later this week too- a sneak peek at how senior collection is coming along, and the finale for the #makeheradress!  FYI, the giveaway ends Friday, so brides- send us your info so we can get you entered for the free custom dress, and thank you so much to everyone who has shared the project- you have until Friday to keep sharing and being entered for the silk robe and Twila & Co goodies!  Don’t forget to send us an email letting us know so we can get you entered!  Contest@katherineelizabethbridal.com.

When we found out we were pregnant with Piper a little over 2 years ago now, I spent a lot of time at the beginning worrying.  We were dealing with a number of medical complications, and I’m a worrier anyways, so miscarriage and complications were high on my thought list constantly, unfortunately.  The only way I found to calm myself down was constant reading of Hannah and Samuel’s story in 1 Samuel, and reading her prayer over and over.  You know all those gorgeous nursery art prints all over Etsy that say “For this child I prayed”, that’s Hannah in 1 Samuel 1.  That became my prayer day in and day out, “for this child I prayed”.  Please God, keep this baby safe so we can raise her to worship you.  And despite all the complications at the beginning, and things getting much worse suddenly at the end of pregnancy, we had a miracle birth and a miracle baby and we can’t get enough of her.  After finding out about baby #2 last August, I was a little lost as to what “my verse” was this time around.  I still felt connected to Hannah and her prayer, and I still read it all the time, but the desperation I felt with Piper was gone.  It wasn’t until I was past halfway in the pregnancy that I feel like I found it- right around the time I was having lots of very regular and semi-intense Braxton Hicks and was getting nervous about bedrest/early labor.  I was on my way to an ob appointment, having regular contractions 5 mins apart at 24 wks or so, and I pulled up the weekly “fighter verse” from an app on my phone from Bethlehem Church in Minnesota.  (funnily enough- John Piper’s church, which is partially where the inspiration for Piper’s name came from!).  It’s an odd one to cling to as my baby verse, it has nothing to do with babies etc., but it hit me right where I was and it became my prayer for myself and this baby.  Isaiah 43:1-2,5 “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine.  When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you… Fear not, for I am with you.”  It was the part about passing through the waters that really got me- early labor or not, God was with me, and was with this baby.  I’m at 38 ½ weeks now, and honestly never expected to still be pregnant- maybe that’s why I’m so anxious to get on with this!  But here we are, and I’m trying to remember to fear not, and that He is with me, and I won’t be overwhelmed and burned, we can do this!

I was painting and playing around the other day, and now Piper has a print framed in her room of my verse and prayer for her.  One day soon I’ll get this verse done to add to the collage!  Mamas, what’s your verse and prayer for your little ones?  I’d love to hear!

Enjoy the beautiful weather!

xoxo

For This Child I Prayed

 

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Priorities, and Thank You Ashlee Proffitt!

March 24th, 2014

Good Morning Mamas! I’m here with my cup of tea wishing I had enough time to really sit down and enjoy my new kitchen table (eeek!!) thanks to my amazing husband who spent his evening reading the ikea stick figure instructions yesterday…  How was your weekend?  Ours was full of errands and cleaning and organizing […]


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Good Morning Mamas!

I’m here with my cup of tea wishing I had enough time to really sit down and enjoy my new kitchen table (eeek!!) thanks to my amazing husband who spent his evening reading the ikea stick figure instructions yesterday…  How was your weekend?  Ours was full of errands and cleaning and organizing and lots of purging.  Oh, and I had a lovely trip yesterday to the Victoria’s Secret Outlet near me, yes I said VS OUTLET!!, to stock up on some cozy sweats and such for post partum snuggling and relaxing.  Can’t wait to meet this little girl/guy!

Last week wasn’t the best week for posting… the days kept getting away from me, but I was so honored to be featured on Twila & Co’s blog for our #makeheradress project!  If you haven’t yet, definitely go check out Johnna’s work at www.johnnahetrick.com, it’s fabulous!  And we are still on the lookout for a bride for the custom wedding dress giveaway, so if you find one, send her our way!  (contest@katherineelizabethbridal.com)  We would really like to bless someone with this free dress, and we can’t do it without your help!

I’ve read some amazing posts lately by other bloggers, and there’s a few of them I want to share with you, but the one I’m most excited about is this gem from Ashlee Proffitt: http://ashleeproffitt.com/2014/02/ask-ashlee-mama-business-owner/.  She’s a mom/wife/business owner/incredible lady whose blog I’ve fallen in love with.  A friend pointed this post out to me a few weeks ago when I was starting to feel really overwhelmed with how to organize life and everything we’ve got going on right now, and trying to launch/create a successful business while maintaining a successful family and how to keep my priorities straight, etc…  It was a total Godsend.  The post is from an Ask Ashlee series and this is what was asked: “What is your sanity saver for running a business and family?? I find I am sacrificing some part of me to be good at another whether it’s my Mommy side, wife, teacher or business owner. It’s hard to wear all those hats…” For any of you mamas out there figuring out how to survive family + something else on the side, I highly recommend you read this.  She breaks down her priorities, and her roles, and how she defines what’s most important, and when she knows it’s time to let something go and let me tell you, it was oh so refreshing.  I pull it back out to read every once in a while, and I’ve taken her list and thoughts and written my own version tailored for me and our life, which I would love to share with you guys- but not til next week.  For now, I think you really should read the original post yourself…  I want to know if it encourages you the same way it did me!

Ashlee will be at the Pursuit 31 conference that I’m so blessed I get to attend this fall, and I can’t wait to meet her and give her a hug and say thank you, but until then I’ll keep peeking back at her post every once in a while, and then reading our family’s version, and counting my blessings for dear sweet friends who know just what to say, and just what link to post on your facebook wall when you’re a bit overwhelmed!

xoxo

p.s.  I highly recommend you take a peek at her website/blog/shop.  It’s gorgeous, and her work is beautiful.  I was in a wedding this summer and one of the bridesmaid gifts from the bride was one of Ashlee’s art prints.  It’s sitting on the windowsill in my office and I can’t get enough of it!  Have a lovely day!

www.ashleeproffitt.com

Ask-Ashlee_Title

 

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Getting Organized!

March 13th, 2014

Good Afternoon! About to head to the doctor for some vaccines for Piper (I know… controversy controversy!!) and taking advantage of her short nap to get some thoughts out before we go.  I’m a list person, a total nerd about it.  I love seeing lists, crossing things off, adding things to them, etc…  So I […]


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Good Afternoon! About to head to the doctor for some vaccines for Piper (I know… controversy controversy!!) and taking advantage of her short nap to get some thoughts out before we go.  I’m a list person, a total nerd about it.  I love seeing lists, crossing things off, adding things to them, etc…  So I decided it was finally time to sit down and get some things on paper and out of my head.  I have a massive list of things I want to get done before this baby is born, and since this is only a few short weeks away (tops…) I’ve narrowed it down to the most important things, and just thought I’d take a minute to share because everyone needs a little accountability in their life right?  These are more “personal” list things, not business stuff.  That’s another list I’m still working on… ha!  Way too much to do and nowhere near enough time…   But then again, this baby can’t come soon enough, we’re so so excited!

 

  1. Get into a good routing of morning prayer/Bible/me time with a cup of tea before Piper wakes up.  I need to get into a good routine of starting my day off right and not feeling overwhelmed and running behind before I even get out of bed.
  2. Cutting way back on Netflix and instead filling the silence with worship music (which Piper loves to sing along with, so win win for both of us!)
  3. Write out Piper’s full birth story.  There’s so much I don’t want to forget when I suddenly add a second experience to my memories, and there’s still a few things I’m processing and healing from emotionally… It would be so nice to see everything on paper, and have it all out before baby #2!
  4. A clean house.  Yes, this is a nesting thing, but it’s a big deal for me right now!  Our house is a mess and I need to feel a little more peace in ALL areas, and walking into a clean house definitely helps foster that feeling.
  5. Finish decorating: curtains finished, frames hung, no more re-arranging furniture!  We’ve been at this for a year now in this house, and we’re so so close to being done, I just need to push through with the final couple details!
  6. I just got a Year Designer (yay!) from the amazing Whitney English, and I’d love to get into a good weekly routine with it before adding on to the crazy in our lives!
  7. I lied, this one is business related- finish getting my office organized and running smoothly, in anticipation for a new website launch and shop opening this summer… (Yes you read that right, so so exciting!!)
  8. See all the pretty on the post picture from today?  That’s for a necklace that I’m so excited to make for our new family pictures we’re going to do with our new newborn, just gotta get it made…
  9. Finish as much of my senior collection as possible…  I’ll obviously still have a good chunk of work to do after this little cutie comes along, but the more done before, the more sanity I’ll probably have after!

10. And last, but not least, we don’t know if this baby is a boy or a girl, and it’s been SO much fun waiting.  BUT, we do have a sono pic sitting in our nightstand telling us the gender, just in case we wanted to peek… It’s been sitting there since 20 weeks, and now we’re at 36, so just a couple weeks to go with holding off the itchy fingers and not opening the picture!

 

P.S.  I’m having so much fun with the #makeheradress contest, and there’s exciting details coming very very soon to the blog about what YOU’LL win for sharing the project and nominating a bride, so be on the lookout, and send us your brides at contest@katherineelizabethbridal.com!  Thanks so much for helping us find someone to bless!!

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Dear Mama

March 11th, 2014

Dear Mamas, How was your morning? Did you get 5 minutes to yourself with a cup of tea to relax? Do you get any time to read your Bible and pray these days? That’s one of my biggest struggles these days. I’m not a morning person, and figuring out how to get up on and […]


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Dear Mamas,
How was your morning? Did you get 5 minutes to yourself with a cup of tea to relax? Do you get any time to read your Bible and pray these days? That’s one of my biggest struggles these days. I’m not a morning person, and figuring out how to get up on and on with my day before Piper starts hers so I can have a few minutes to myself has been hard. Really hard! Lately, prayer time happens during an evening Epsom salt bath (one of the few things we’ve found to help control all the Braxton hicks this baby is bringing!) But I do wish I can be more intentional with starting out my day like this… Pray for me?
I want to know what I can do for you too! I’ve seen so many pictures and Fb/insta posts with overwhelmed and at-the-end-of-their-rope mamas lately. I want to encourage you today that we can do this. We can make it through the rough days. The unwashed hair and clothes, no makeup, food and dishes everywhere, and babies screaming days. I want to encourage you that you are beautiful in your mess, because your mess is a beautiful thing. It’s you being there for your children. It’s you being there for the crying and tears, the messy diapers, and the food throwing, and for the laughter, and joy, the successes and triumphs. It’s you being there. You CAN do this. God will give you the strength, and you will make it. Remember that verse about His steadfast love enduring forever? And His faithfulness to all generations? It’s SO true! Cling to those promises, and when the day gets really rough, pour your cup of tea and take a minute to sit still and soak Him in, even if the babies are screaming around you. Sometimes you just need that little minute to refocus and pull back together.
I’m here praying for you, and there’s so many others out there too. Let us know how we can help!
Little bit shorter than normal today, but this is the wish and prayer that’s been on my heart this week for you, and I just wanted to take a minute and share. And since this isn’t Monday anymore, have a happy Tuesday with your precious ones, and maybe a few precious minutes to yourself too! Find a book, draw a picture, take a minute to do something that makes you you, and makes you relaxed and rested, and just sit and be still and quiet for a minute, and know that He IS God.

xoxo

(photo credit: Joe @ Richmond Photographics)

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Mama Monday: For Where Your Treasure Is…

March 3rd, 2014

Good morning!  Writing a post to mom’s last Monday was one of the highlights of my week, (not to mention the amazing responses I got, thank you so so much, you truly blessed me!), that I decided to make it a thing.  Mondays are for Mama’s now, and I’m so excited about it!  I’m a […]


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Good morning!  Writing a post to mom’s last Monday was one of the highlights of my week, (not to mention the amazing responses I got, thank you so so much, you truly blessed me!), that I decided to make it a thing.  Mondays are for Mama’s now, and I’m so excited about it!  I’m a designer, but I’m also a mother, and being one defines so much of who I am and what I do creatively that the two can’t be separated.  I’ve had people suggest that if I want to talk about my family and my personal life, that it should be on a separate blog, but I don’t think that ‘s right.  That’s not who I am.  Mama and Designer aren’t separate identities, it’s all me.  I’m creating a business that represents who I am, and what I have to offer isn’t just one or the other, it’s a full package.  She opens my eyes to new things every day, and I couldn’t imagine it any other way.  So, here’s to Mama Monday’s, I hope you have as much fun with it as I do

Last week I wrote a bit about Piper’s birth story, and the emotions it left me struggling with.  It’s been a long week working through some things, but it ended with a dear friend giving birth on Saturday to her first son, and the chance to see them for a short time on Sunday evening and hold their newborn for a few minutes.  It felt so incredibly healing and restorative to sit there and hold this tiny baby.  A baby who was the same size and age in hours as Piper was when I was still on so much medicine that I could barely comprehend life or the experience I’d just been through.  I was finally holding a completely brand new born and really feeling something, and I started crying.  It just felt so good.  So, 6 weeks (or less!) to go, and still a lot of feelings and emotions to work through, but we’re getting there…

I want to challenge you today to take the time and sit down with your children, listen to them, listen to their hearts, and be there in the moment with them.  Take a break from your to do list and your never ending thoughts running through your head and just be.  Cherish the precious moments you have.  A verse that’s really been on my heart lately in my search for finding the real identity of my business and what my goals are is “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also”, and I can’t wait to talk about it next week as I open up about some business plans and goals and dreams…  But it’s also been strongly on my heart for mamas as well (starting with me!  I’ve had a lot to learn lately…).  Store up for yourselves treasures in heaven… For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.   What is your treasure?  I read an awesome description in a commentary last night that says, “The point is that the things most highly treasured occupy the “heart”, the center of the personality, embracing mind, emotions, and will; and thus the most cherished treasure subtly but infallibly controls the whole person’s direction and values.”  (The Expositor’s Bible Commentary: Matthew, D.A. Carson).  What is it that controls the entire direction of your life and your values?  The verse is referring to money, and not serving two masters: God and money, but it extends to so many other areas of life as well.  Anything that’s coming between you and your Creator, and taking charge of your heart, is in effect going to control you.  Yes, we treasure our children.  I treasure Piper so much, and this new baby on the way that I can’t wait to meet.  But they can’t BE my treasure.  They can’t be the reason that I live, and the reason that I do what I do.  They can’t control me, because if they do I can’t be the mama that God is calling me to be for them.

And part 2 of what I found so exciting about this commentary, was a quote on the verse prior, Store up for yourselves treasures in heaven…  “treasures in heaven are forever exempt from decay and theft.  The words ‘treasures in heaven’ go back to Jewish literature.  Here it refers to whatever is of good and eternal significance that comes out of what is done on earth.  Doing righteous deeds, suffering for Christ’s sake, forgiving one another- all these have the promise of ‘reward’.” So while our children can’t be our treasure, they can’t be our identity and our meaning in life, all the time that we spend teaching them, and loving them, and disciplining and training them, that’s all part of the “storing up treasures in heaven”.  That’s all part of the things that can’t decay or be stolen away.

So cherish the time you have with them.  Treasure them, but find your true treasure and meaning in heaven, and be the light that helps them find theirs as well.

xoxo

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Birth, Tears, and Fears

February 24th, 2014

It’s a Mama-kind-of-Monday.  And with everything I have to do today, I wanted to take a minute and sit and relax with a cup of tea, and just think about “mom stuff” for a minute, before the day moves on to school and work and everything else.  As this upcoming birth fast approaches, I realize […]


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It’s a Mama-kind-of-Monday.  And with everything I have to do today, I wanted to take a minute and sit and relax with a cup of tea, and just think about “mom stuff” for a minute, before the day moves on to school and work and everything else.  As this upcoming birth fast approaches, I realize that I spend a lot of time flashing back to Piper’s birth, and trying to sort through my feelings and emotions.  Her birth was on the traumatic side for me, and it took me a long time to heal emotionally afterwards.  I have fears about this one that stem from her’s that I’m praying about and trying to figure out.

Some of you know Piper’s story, others don’t.  My intent by sharing parts of it here is not to join in on the one-upping each other that so many people do with labor stories- this is how mine was worse than yours… etc…  I just want to share some of my heart, and my fears, and maybe encourage some people who may have had similar circumstances.

I was sent to the hospital in an emergent state due to sudden onset sever preeclampsia, labor was induced, and 24 hours later Piper was pulled from me with forceps.  The placenta had failed, there was no amniotic fluid left, and she had ingested so much meconium that they had to suction it out of her.  My body never naturally went into labor, and nothing about the entire process ever seemed normal.  I felt like I was missing some sort of transition that comes with going into labor, and working through the process of delivery.  The medicine I had to be on to prevent seizures caused me to be so out of it that I have vague memories of the entire process, but not much is concrete.  What I do remember is not being able to see or focus on my daughter when they handed her to me for the first time.  I remember my husband crying and whispering over and over “don’t you love her so much?!”.  I felt nothing… I had heard all my friends who had babies say that holding their baby for the first time they feel this sudden rush of love and emotion like never before.  I had none of that.  And I felt horrible.  Like am-I-an-awful-mother kind of horrible.  It was all in the medicine but it defined so much of the experience for me that I still have a hard time looking back on her birth.  Because of the preeclampsia and risk of seizures, I had to stay on the same medicine for 24 hours after she was born. During that whole time I had double, blurry vision, barely any emotion, and only a few memories.  It took a very long time for me to feel like I had attached with Piper the way most moms talk about from birth on, and I don’t mean a long time as in just a few days…  Recovering from birth was painful physically, but it was a much longer and harder process recovering emotionally.  I felt like part of the experience had been taken from me, and nothing can replace those first few moments with your child.

My biggest fears this time aren’t the physical pain, but that things will be normal and I’ll look back on Piper’s birth and feel the hurt again.  Hurt that she didn’t have what this baby will, and that if things go normal this time, I’ll have fonder memories and a better time with this baby than with her.  I love her so much that it hurts to think that she and I had to miss out on that.

Everyone loves to talk about their birth stories, I want to be open about mine because if you’ve dealt with any of these emotional struggles, I want you to know it’s ok.  It’s ok to have an experience different from someone else’s.  It doesn’t mean you’re an awful mom, it just means you may have had more to work through at the beginning.  If you struggle with things like this, it means you’re a mom who loves your child so much that you still hurt that you didn’t feel that way at the beginning.  It means you’re doing things right, and it’s ok to move towards letting the past pain heal.

I struggled with depression after her birth, because I didn’t know how to deal with the emotional recovery.  Talk to someone, open up.  I didn’t, and now I’m still trying to figure out how to move onto the next birth…   Don’t compare yourself to other people’s stories and experiences.  What you have with your baby is your own.  Cherish that, and don’t try to live up to standards that don’t really exist.

We’re all working through our own kinds of pain and hurt, whether from a labor that didn’t go as planned or from something else.  My prayer for you is that you have the best support system surrounding you that you can have, and if not, please call me, I’d love to sit down with a cup of tea and cry and laugh with you.

Have a wonderful Mama-kind-of-Monday.

Much much love, Katherine

breaker

The List

February 1st, 2014

What is it that you miss doing?  Do you write a million things on a list to do during the day and sit in bed at night and realize you barely got to any of it?  And then when you do count up the list of what you did, it’s full of diapers changed, meals […]

 

What is it that you miss doing?  Do you write a million things on a list to do during the day and sit in bed at night and realize you barely got to any of it?  And then when you do count up the list of what you did, it’s full of diapers changed, meals made, faces washed, furniture washed because little hands didn’t get washed, books read, and read and read again, toys played with, toys cleaned up (sometimes), baths given, bottles made, and pacifiers found…  I think “vacuum and dust” has been on my list for the last two weeks, along with laundry and making/hanging curtains.  Maybe tomorrow, at least for the vacuuming and dusting.  And I have a never ending list of things I want to sew- things just for fun, just for me, and I can’t even remember the last time I got to pull out my sewing machine for something other than school and work.  I’m living the life I never could have imagined, and sometimes I can’t tell if I’m running ten steps ahead of myself, or ten steps behind.

But what I’ve come to realize, is that it’s ok when baths and books are the most exciting thing I do all day, because they’re two of the most exciting things for one of the most important people in my world.  And lists, well, they were made to have things crossed off and added, and sometimes it’s just the list in general that needs to be crossed out.

I’m learning to be organized, and still figuring out how to keep a clean house, and I will admit that the days I get the most done around our home are the ones when people are coming over because I feel like I’ll be judged.  And I sit down at the end of the day and look at my lists and have to remind myself that it’s ok that three quarters of my goals didn’t happen, because Piper’s books got read, and she cuddled with me and showed me where her toes and fingers were, and the pretty nail polish that’s on them, and then she said “pretty”, and signed “thank you momma” when I gave her her lunch.  So all in all we’re doing ok; business may not be moving forward as fast as I wish, and the lack of curtains in our house is getting a little ridiculous considering how long I’ve had the fabric sitting in my office, but we’re happy, healthy, and we’re a family, and we’re figuring it out together.  I hope you do too, and that you never feel overwhelmed and underaccomplished when you’re doing the things that really matter…  I struggle with it, and I’m slowly learning and growing.  It’s my prayer that you can figure it out a little faster than I did/am doing!  And coming soon, as I’m working through this learning process, a new list of goals and a new calendar schedule and a new way of planning our life out.  I’m tired of sitting down at the end of the day and having to remind myself that an unfinished list doesn’t mean failure, it just means another chance tomorrow to keep moving forward.

 

p.s.  I am most definitely the person that adds something to my list that I’ve already done, just to have the fulfillment of being able to cross it off…